Friday, February 6, 2009

At the beginning...

As far back as I can was never easy for me as a child. We never had more than what we needed, just the essentials. We lived day to day, just living to live and without expecting too much. My mother worked and my father was but a summer vacation. We moved alot trying to find our place.

Earliest memory I have as a child I must have been all of 5 years old. One of our short stops in life was in the state of Louisiana. From what I can remember, a friend of my mother's let us live in their house. It was my Aunt, my mother and brother then. Miles separated house to house-at least it seemed that way- . The house was old and cold. We stayed in one of the back rooms with out the comforts of central air or heat. We slept on an old raged mattress on the floor, bundled in layers of blankets trying to keep warm. The fondest memory I have from during that time was taking long walks with my Aunt down the paved dirty road. We walked along to pickup fallen pecans from trees along the road. We talked and laughed and really enjoyed each other. Some days I would get to play with my friend who lived the 'mile' down the street. I remember her vividly because she use to be barefoot all the time. If you've ever been to Louisiana some parts are muddy and dirty. We lived in that part. Small mud covered footings of a girl making mud pies. Oh, but I enjoyed that!

As I got older in age it seemed that we would never find our place. We moved between Houston, Austin, Florence and Louisiana.

My favorite place to live as a child was good 'ole Florence, Texas. When anyone every asks were I grew up I never go into the long drawn out story of how we moved so much as a kid. And how I never stayed at the same school for more than a year at a time. It was always easier and much more pleasant for me to say I grew up in Florence, Texas, a little town on the out skirts of Austin. That was my home and that's where I grew up. A town full of family; aunts, uncles and cousins. I loved living there as a kid. My best girl cousin was like a sister that I never had -at that point-. We were always together and we became the 'bobsy twins'. She was my very best friend. I can remember nothing but pure joy when I lived there as a child. We fished in the creek by the high school, walked the streets all hours of the day and night with out a care in the world. Listening to 80's Country music while riding in the bed of a Dodge Ram pickup truck. Playing at Georgetown Park on the swings, merry go round and the see-saw. It has been years since I've been back, still I have family there and sware that I will make it back there one day -soon-.

When I grew into my teenage years we moved from there to Houston, where my family lives now. When I hear people say in conversation "I wish I was a teenager again" or "What would I give to be 16 again" my stomach turns. I like to think of these years as my angry, adjusting years. Out growing the stick legged figure of my childhood was not easy. My teenage years were some of the challanging years of my life -thus far. Getting over childhood years are hard but getting over your teenage years are that much harder. Learning who you are, what you will be, how to handle yourself as an adult is all done during the teen years. Now, thinking back I can't remember one moment during those years that I was truely happy. I was always angry and felt that 'they' owed me something 'better than this'.

As an adult now with children of my own, I find myself thinking about how life use to be. And how I appreicate EVERYTHING in my past that much more, the good and bad. I find comfort in knowing that the rough times as a kid happend to ME so that way they wouldn't happen to MY children. These good and these bad experiences in my life have made me what I am today, mentally and emotionally. I think all the bad, unsettling moments in my life make me... a better ME.